As the advert on tv goes with the old grand ma telling a foreign couple- “In India yeating with handd and washing also with handd”. Did I hear it right- eating and washing both with the hand… actually she meant washing clothes with a soap bar, with knees bent and washing while uncomfortably squatting on the floor and water all over you. So much so as to give your feet wrinkles and cracks when the ordeal is over, but still people would prefer the same nevertheless. Never mind the washing machine generation, my mom.. I think is still washing clothes sensitive to the machine all by herself. umm!
Coming back to that advert, it is a temple setting where the food is served on banana leaf spread on the floor. Let us walk through the sequence once again- Banana leaf (obviously not treated with a washing soap), a temple floor (where mother earth keeps her favourite germs) and lastly our bare hands to scoop the food and send it forward into our hungry mouth. Sweat dripping while you persist with the exercise and possibly the wind blowing in some dust. Also we are to ignore the process through which the final product has arrived as all mass cooking can only guarantee a breach of hygiene to a certain extent. In stark contrast to the high levels of tolerance all Indians have developed to such common fare, one must also observe the other side of this culture.
My mom insists and before her, her mom too insists and before my grand mother, generations of grandmothers have insisted that we not cook our meals without taking a bath. Close your eyes and imagine holy mother Ganges pouring on your sins. I have known obnoxious washing freaks who at a regular intervals take great pleasure in keeping their hand under flowing water to feel a sense of cleanliness at least if not actually achieving it in reality. Some of my family would be shocked to listen to some of the despicable horrors that take place in my friends house as they would I am sure shall choose to describe such a phenomenon- A half naked boy first prepared beef in the house to feed the dog first and then himself served a generous helping of rice on his plate and sat on the bed where he sleeps of all the places to rid his hunger while watching tv.
Saliva of the dog drips on the floor and the familiar smell of the dog surrounds the house which the owner naturally doesn't get hassled by choice. I have seen people being very particular about their kitchen so much as to making the kitchen spick and span was not enough but to give you a love making scene like temptation. Yeahhhh why not make out in the kitchen man. Sex on the kitchen floor can be quite romantic. Being a chaste Hindu myself I have been witness to several banters that people in these parts follow and make others follow too like a carefully orchestrated drill. But after coming to the south of this country I realised a different style which raises no eyebrows at all, that my breed would be extremely critical of. I was witness to a phenomenon of fisting your morsel of rice and not feasting. One has to hold the morsel in the fist and try to squash and attempt to aim it into your mouth. It actually requires talent for achieving such an aim. In stark contrast I was advised to keep my morsel of rice restricted to my fingers instead. So much for a united country.
But we certainly take pride in the oneness of our criticism of other cultures. We can also choose to look at it as our superiority complex. All Indians have a subtle superiority complex which they don't express but deep down we all know that their ways don't stand a chance in comparison to ours. We eat with our hands you know. We are sala connected to the earth and the physical sensation of feeding naturally gives us a high. Eating with spoon… naahh that's artificial. You have sex with your thing rite and not with a spoon then eat with hand sala why use the spoon.
Not trying to be graphic but these are the arguments I have heard when people defend their Indian-ness. I am just happy that they feel like putting up a fight. Never go down without a fight. Even more the reason why I feel about this eating habits subject is because of a recent experience. Having ordered pizzas worth three thousand freaking rupees which is a lot of pizzas I had literally filled the floor with students and young people walking all around with pizzas in their hand.
Double bus pizza the dominos dame told me and I took it to realize later that it actually has a thick coating of cheese inside and as you bite off the chunks of pizza that you hold the bloody thing drips mann. People kept on eating and the cheese kept on dripping. No inhibition at all and all these years what my mom taught me about eating habits went for a six. There was vigorous biting and chewing and dripping with facial expressions I had never seen before while people ate. I mean the guys bowling rice morsels in sarvana bhavan in salem were decent people.. now as I imagined the floor turning into a 10000 BC set where the wild hordes have brought down a woolly mammoth and are feasting on the flesh. What am I seeing now… one tribal actually took a vessel kind of a equipment and drank blood to his satisfaction! wowww what is happening here and snappp I am out of it. The fellow just grabbed his coke and drank with an un believable expression.
Never to think of situations critically when you don't quite agree to it. I have a sense of humour possibly that makes it comical rather. The pizza incident ultimately gave me a laugh as I told these fellows not to imitate jughead. I can only imagine eating like that in a very western sense of looking at the situation and imitating jughead. No matter what culture, I am quite content with my ways. Shall probably evolve in embracing some new habits that would surprise my close ones you are never too sure know you as well as yourself. One never knows with future prosperity what's in store. Like my fathers factory owner did, I might too someday take all the fruits and newspapers from the star hotels where I may stay in. Never know??
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