Valentines fiasco

I call it a fiasco cause the chaos stirred by this occasion brings memories from my past. Perhaps its a mere coincidence but my experiences have not been very pleasant as I managed to pick up arguments with many of my girlfriends invariably on the 14th of Feb.

I found it hard to digest the fact that on certain years I was treated to a very satisfying experience too but somehow its always been about the treatment meted out to the opposite sex. Its like the one day when we tell the opposite sex that they are in fact the better sex and the indulgence and insistence seems to be a mutual one. It surprised me a great deal when my mother told me its significance and relevance abroad which she herself realised cause my uncle then pursuing his MS in US of A, sent a valentines card for his beloved and then alive father. An amazing relationship my grandfather shared with his children who are all crazed writers to some extent. They all write letters, exchange letters, buy cards and the works for any occasion where one can express love and belongingness. Having witnessed first hand such love and affection for each other I could never relate to the pomp and fervour associated with some foolish men trying to impress on some vanity fair.

In fact the comedy actually came to the forefront when I entered my teens and a whole range of bullshit Hindi romantic movies hit the theatres. Here we were living in a country which just released star movies and the rest of the cable channels, and we were yet absorbed by this form of entertainment called watching Hindi movies which had one major subject called couples romance around which the story line revolves. Guys forget not the fact that we are the only generation which has viewed star uncensored. Those were the good old days. One fine day as I entered school I was welcomed by a frenzied checking which by todays aviation standards will also stand taller still. As my curious eyes gazed over the concerned principal and teachers I found out these guys were actually paranoid about gifts and cards confiscated from the teen school kids. Suddenly what seemed like a cultural offence to some on investigation was noted that the reasons were far more economic than otherwise.

I grew up in a city which quite shamelessly on your face makes you realise when you are a kid that the world is clearly about the haves and have not's. It is this magnanimous city of Bombay that has space for everyone that once infamously put up hoardings of a theme park screaming “Your daddy takes you to the zoo whereas my daddy takes me to the essel world” It will obviously be natural for some of our parents to have taken offence on being referred to as the cattle class. perhaps what passed me as mere amusement and a comedy of errors when as a direct result of the on screen romance spilled over to the streets of bombay, it slowly dawned over everyone that Archie's retail was reaping massive benefits over fuming parents who could not afford for their sons to spend on a decent cup of coffee and sandwich for their chosen special friend from the opposite sex. It came to be seen as a Gujarati fancy to be related anywhere close to such an indulgence. Of course I regard them as the original proponents of lets try anything and everything. This is quite clearly a community which considers anything remotely western to be tried of course. We brothers have the cool is some slogan that even the elders in their family practice. Guajarati's are perhaps the only breed who recognized the need for young kids to have an occasion for themselves and consider it as something rather harmless.

In stark contrast other conservatives seeing their reaction decided upon themselves that if the Guajarati's are not stopping their kids then we conclude there is definitely something wrong in this whole thing called valentines. First of all that Archie's fellow is a Guajarati. The fellows buying cards are Gujarati, people going to dance, men and women alike, till the wee hours, during the dandia season are again Guajarati's. These are money making machines who off course spoil their children was a typical response that kind of triggered the infamous campaign against Valentines day in the name of Hinduism. The whole idea of imagining the next level for our kids to stoop down was a bit silly according to me cause already quite a bit was going on as usual life behind their backs to which parents had absolutely no idea to. Only to what today can pass as normal those were quite clearly days of coping with change. A change that perhaps was to happen with a few slaps witnessed by many of my compatriots for holding hands or for being seen on a date. For a country which is as conservative as ours which enforces segregation of sexes as a common practice in all schools we suddenly went on to having an occasion to go to the beach party.

Too much alcohol too fast and the car goes zoommmm! well I never got enough of the self obsessed loser's who invariably boasted of a so called romantic experience while in the company of the woman who's main agenda was to make him spend by the way. Common gosh these were just boys talking about their bouts of tryst with their manly hood. It required a couple or more women to make someone worthy of recognition. What a man…. what a talent was the thing to be known for. He goes on a date….. wow!

As compared to all such camaraderie that man making conversation involves I certainly respect my own community more than others. I believe Bongs are one creed who will retain all yet absorb the fun around. I do have eyes for many of my female friends as they too shower their attention on me and I certainly wish to give them my observations on why we can have more valentines more often.

Always believed enough is never enough! long live the fiasco!

Don't know if it’s respect or fear?

I don't need no education! I don't need no thought control!

Well these words are true as uttered and understood aren't they. Like that, the most valuable lessons in life are self taught and not preached by others. Just as the moment of truth requires some time to sink in, its also invariably the case with our ability to overcome.

It is usually seen that once, we experience triumph, the endurance of its process overwhelms us and so does the fear of adversity when we begin enduring it. Its a very Zen philosophical sort of style to convert fear into respect and I actually see it a lot in the Japanese way. As a culture they are known to be obnoxiously up nose in self comparison with others. But their demeanour is quite the opposite. Closely observing them one realises that they wish to fall in love with you. But that is in fact like their version of the Stockholm syndrome. Its their version of sleeping with the enemy. Drawing examples from the Mahabharat it will basically mean repeating that episode where Krishna advises Arjuna to nurture fear in his heart cause fear is in fact good. It helps you to assess your enemy and you end up respecting yourself. The bottom line being respect to others is respect to your own character. It makes lot of sense as its just speaking of general calmness and civility in the face of a not so welcome anticipation of our immediate future. Also phrased as consequences of our actions. (In this case concentrating on negative action, so as to grip our conscience, otherwise there is no need for conscience.. really!)

For example lets look at men. There are different kinds of men but they all give that look because they have to look. Its in their character when they see a good looking lass… its like a natural instinctive reaction screaming selection of the perfect for breeding the next supposedly near perfect outcome. I meant the child and not the orgasm silly, whatever! but looking at these encounters of the close kinds also, we see men who follow the Zen philosophy and carry on doing what they have to do but they don't feel the need to wear their instinct up on their sleeve. These guys are actually comfortable in their skin and thereby giving respect knowing the immediate reaction. Why should the reaction have to be negative is what you must be thinking… no I did not mean that but its an acknowledgement of the carnal to call it the least. What it means is what it means but in this instance no one had to make an all out effort to express.

Well at times I see a temperament in people who quite clearly divide their conversations in zones. There is peace time and there is war time. In a war time situation, some of them perhaps feel the need to go out on an all out war of words. Quite interestingly it happens in the corporate world very often. Here the only way to diffuse a confrontation is to comply even if you don't want to, but keep looking the other way or just deny your compliance and see it as an act of god. But when individuals who on non compliance to their wishes resort to arguments I have seldom seen people stick to their ground. This is perhaps because individuals at the receiving end are in fact scared to loose their own cool. But not only in recent times but as always, in any argument where I am sure of carrying a certain conviction, it has certainly not been easy for my adversaries.

The beauty of all such encounters is that if someone at the other end continues with their calm insistence it does tick off some crazy response. The toughest of samurai killers did practice the crudest of activities in their calm. In todays world where we choose to give up the way of the muscle to a higher cause we must also realise that not raising ones voice also delivers effective results in the most cornered of situations.

Earlier speaking about temptations of the otherwise getting the better of us, whenever I see the movie Gandhi it keeps reiterating when Baa says that he had in fact failed to give up celibacy thrice, in his own quest of some kind. So even the most powerful fail but its in fact our resilience which is culpable of swinging both ways and it decides if our character ultimately is embraced as popular or fallen from grace.

My resilience certainly swings both ways, yet I choose to acknowledge, to do the least! And yes I too have fallen from grace many a times and I learn from my fears, while I respect from my conviction.